19 year old dating a 28 year old
So the last few weeks, I notice her texting and talking on the phone to Guy more and more. She and I have discussed sex, safe sex, responsibility and consequences on numerous occasions, and she has confided in me about some of her friends activities; some that she disagrees with.
I start to question her on the nature of their relationship. On that note, I feel she is comfortable talking and being open with me.
A teen can spend six months in a bad relationship to avoid having an awkward conversation explaining it to their mom.
I know it seems impossible, but I think you want to treat the relationship as casually as possible.
Maybe STI testing if she hasn't been practicing safe sex every time, all the time.
Well, first I would say that when you talk to her, try to make sure you express yourself in a way that is about how you feel - rather than what she should do.
Or, hell, maybe I'm just overreacting about the whole thing. Im planning a long talk with her later tonight, then talking to her dad and then figuring out where we all go from there. I guess you could call the cops and ruin his life for doing something entirely normal.
Conversely, I dont want to treat the situation too lightly. You can piss her off for the next six months trying to prevent something she will do anyways, or you can realize there is nothing much you can do, there is not that much of an age difference and she's not a little kid anymore.
As for The Guy, if he comes around treat him with respect, but I wouldn't be afraid to tell him you don't approve, and think he acted very unwisely in persuing her and that you hope she grows out of this phase. On the minus, even the smartest, most mature teenage girls in the world have been known to just equate age with authority and let themselves be pressured or abused by older boyfriends just because 'I really want him to like me, and he thinks I'm so mature.' The lying? And you might also ask her how she would feel about a male (or female, I guess) friend her own age dating a 12- or 13-year old (not the same difference in years, but IMHO you change just as much in those years as you do in your late teens and your twenties). You said your daughter is smart and has a good head on her shoulders and that the guy doesn't come off as a sleeze.
I doubt that he'll treat her worse than a 18-19 year old guy would. This may color my answer, but I do think I was at a place where I could treat her like a real and valuable person much better that when I was younger and more insecure. My personal hunch is that however "mature" your daughter finds this guy, he's personally emotionally immature enough that he feels more comfortable being the big guy around teenagers than to be around peers his own age. They are probably relying on luck right now, and the last thing you/they need is a pregnancy.
(Were going to talk more specifically later tonight) I know she lied about dating because we would not have approved, and that is true.
So there will definitely be consequences for that, but as for the rest, I am at a loss. But knowing her, I can understand what an older person would like about her. And Guy has called apologizing about lying and they both have said he wanted to tell us, but she didnt. I spent a lot of time today talking him out of finding the Guy and doing bodily harm to him.
Then ask her if she thinks a 25 year old guy who dates a 17 year old is actually expressing maturity? You expect her to have relationships, that's normal.